To tell... or not to tell
Coming out and telling others about your fetish is an issue that most fetishists have to deal with at some point of their life. But the fear of being weird and being rejected often keep people from coming out. There are many that are hiding in their closets throughout their whole lives and never tell a soul. But the fact is - if you got a fetish, you got it for good, and it’s not likely to disappear or go away.
Reasons for telling
A fetish can be a blessing for one person and a curse for another. When I first noticed my own fetish for latex. I did not know what to make of it. I thought it was very weird and found it strange that a material like latex turned me on. I felt different and very alone. So I kept my desires and feelings to myself and hid it from everybody else. I was not proud of being a slave to my fetish. Every time I gave in and followed my lust, I had to deal with the guilt afterwards. Being what you are is not always easy.
I tried to put my fetish away and forget all about it. I threw all my fetish items out and tried to think about different things, but my fetish kept coming back to haunt my fantasies and dreams.
It took me over fifteen years to realize the obvious; my fetish is a part of who I am and that I was not alone! There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a fetish. Lots of people have them. So why not get the most out of it and share your passion with the person you love?
How to tell
In order to effectively share your passion with a non-fetishist you need to be in a state of mind where you are comfortable with your fetish. If you are not comfortable with your fetish, how can you expect your partner to be? What you need is high fetish self-esteem.
A good place to start is to talk to likeminded people. Look for communities, discussions boards, articles, and chat rooms related to your fetish. See if there are others that have coming out experiences and get some ideas. Talk to some of the regulars. Search for hints and ideas. Soon you will have a much better idea of the origin of your fetish and your self-esteem will grow.
Timing is another key factor. Only tell about your fetish if your relationship is healthy and functioning well. Don't introduce your fetish if there exist problems in your relationship. Ask yourself this: is this really what I want and to what lengths do I want to go to get it?
Explaining your fetish
Sooner or later you will be ready to come out and share you feelings and desires with your partner. There is so much you can tell about: how did it start, when you first noticed you fetish, how can your partner be involved. But what made all the difference for me was being able to give your partner an idea of where your fetish changes from being an inanimate object to an object of desire. It can be difficult to describe what’s so magical about a fetish you had for so many years, especially to people that don't have a fetish themselves.
It’s my experience that the goal is to attach some feelings or senses to the object. So if you, like me, had a fetish for latex, explanations like this may work:
Touch: "When you are wearing tight latex over your skin it works like a sensitivity multiplier. Imagine if you are running a finger down a latex covered body part, the touch would be amplified by the elasticity of the latex fabric".
Smell: "Latex is a natural product, made from the sap of rubber trees. Some types of latex (often the more expensive ones) have a pleasant smell of vanilla".
Feel: "Latex is like a second layer of skin. It hugs you very tightly and gets the same temperature of your skin. It's warm to touch and make you very sensitive to temperature changes".
Sight: "When you polish Latex it becomes very shiny and the color becomes deep and sensual. It almost looks like the body has been painted. The contrast between highlight and shadow is very high and the curves of the body are empathized. So naturally this works as a powerful visual stimulant".
Take it easy
Go easy on your partner. Listen as much as you would like to be heard. Have respect for whatever he or she says. Don’t be disappointed if he or she doesn’t jump on the “bus” right away. Most people don't, it's only human to fear the new and unknown.
If you get rejection or your partner becomes upset, back off and give your partner some room and bring the subject up another time. Just try, try, and try again. The way I see it is very simple. Everybody just wants to be loved for who and what they are! So come out whoever you are!
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